Hypertension and Madness Follow

Your heart beat increases even as you are lying down listening to slow, soothing songs. But they make no difference because your brain is thinking something else. Then you suddenly get up – panting – and wipe the sweat off your face and throw away your ipod. Mixed feelings follow – nervousness, anger, frustration – and helplessness. You grab the pen in sight and start scribbling something on the paper. And then you stop and shout out aloud in your head – WHY ME ? Then you get up and fill the water bottle and drink a lot of icy cold water. Doesn’t seem to help. Then you (I mean “I”) look around the hostel. You are alone. All the others have gone to work. Unlike you, they are people who “do something” ! Suddenly you feel pathetic. The future ‘had’ to be bright. You were not meant for this, you dude. But that’s how it is today and today you cannot change it. This is the day that you have to live. And this is the effect that rejection can have

– You can be a writer !

And then anger grips your veins again and you say to yourself, “I will win”. That’s the residual effect of repeatedly listening to “We gonna win”. Ha ! Bryan Adams, I tell you. But this is no joke. Time is slipping out of your hands. Then you begin to reason. Reason always takes over a reasonable mind. But you don’t want your mind to be just reasonable anymore. You want it to be mad. “In a moment of madness” is a good topic for Group Discussion, I suppose. And in a moment of madness you say to yourself, “There must be something that can be done. Every problem just sits pretty and waits to be solved”. That’s it. You’re done. You’re fed up. You’re fired. You’re fired up.

Unconvincingly and without purpose you pick up your pen again and start thinking that maybe someone wants you to be tougher. Someone. You “hope” there is a “someone” who wants you to be tougher. But you don’t know if that entity exists. You yourself are the creator of all your problems – this is a fact that you are aware of. Then maybe that “someone” is you only.

Escapism is a bad thing. Actually all the fun lies in looking straight into the eyes of your fears. Your fears are your weak points. Achilles heals. And you know that your fears have beaten you many times in the past. You remember those times. Oh how your fears have mercilessly left you to be ignored while others strolled by. Others, they were not better than you, you assume. Look at the most successful person you know. He is fearless – at least in what he does to be successful. That’s how it goes. “A person who cannot overcome his weaknesses can never be successful”, I overheard someone saying it once. Guess it. Your fears are your weaknesses. Think about it. Who can stop a person who has overcome his fears ? None. A person who beaten his fears goes about his way fearlessly. His actions will show you his strength. When weakness eliminates, only strength remains. Persevere. Yes, persevere. You know a lot, you think. Reason has taken over but a shining metallic element of madness has decided to take room in your brain – permanently.

Prophecy maybe a good thing sometimes, you think. But speech without action is like heart without blood – lifeless.

It’s time to act. It’s time !!

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